Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
