remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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