Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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