as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
