why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
