it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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