you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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