the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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