I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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