I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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