We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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