how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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