Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
