she was so not down for the gang bang
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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