I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
