I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
