haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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