Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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