uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
