Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
