thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
