Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
