My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
