I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
