He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
