I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
