We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
