I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
