You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
