If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
