I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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