He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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