And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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