I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
