I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
