im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And then he peed in my hair
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