Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
