He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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