I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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