We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
