I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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