I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
