Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
