If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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