I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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