All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
