I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
