Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
