I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
