FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
