You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize