Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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