so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
