I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
