I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
