doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
