that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
