my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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