My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
