my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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